A Day in the Chaotic Life of Little Grandma

This was wednesday,

I was going to write about tuesday; beautiful weather so we went to a local park. Belle had a very close shave with a Canadian goose, and got upset because she didn't want to part with the rabbit poo i'd fished out of her mouth. Then teatime. Easy tea I thought, pancake day, good, everyone likes pancakes and it won't create much washing up. Except, I could only make one at a time, leading to the inevitable arguments and fights, too many people wanting to help, slop on the floor and walls, sugar everywhere... All this was intermitted with bum wiping, hand washing and life-saving; then The Viking came home and announced that pancakes aren't a 'proper' meal and he 'needed' some meat with his! Grr!

Anyway, in retrospect, I considered tuesday to be a comparatively calm day, after all, i'd had a lovely coffee fuelled morning with Big Grandma making spring bonnets.

Wednesday was a bit more like it:

I thought we could try out the toy library. I'd promised Rosie I'd look after Elle while she enjoyed some well deserved 'me' time, and I thought the toy library may be the 'easy' option. First I needed to get some cash. Should be simple enough... However, the Littlest uncle, who is obsessed with money at the moment, and will accept nothing other than the real thing, demanded I give him the £10 note. This is your money I said kindly, trying to fob him off with a few coppers. He screamed in reply, "That's not the right money, I want a different money!!" He continued to scream this for 8 hours 10 minutes, until I felt like my head was bleeding, plus Belle was also screaming at this point. I almost felt like giving him the blinking £10 note, and wondered if I could recommend the screaming method as a good way of  asking for a pay rise.

I then struggled my way down the hill to the toy library, stiff screaming plank under one arm, pushing the pushchair containing a red-faced snot monster with the other.

Things fairly quickly calmed down when we got there after the Littlest Uncle finally succumbed to taking off his coat and joining in the fun. Only a couple of minor incidents; Elle fell off a chair and Belle ate a crayon. Wonderful. I was refreshed, caffeine-fuelled, and ready for action, so, optimistically, I decided to take all 3 to the supermarket before home. Whenever I take both girls out I get the inevitable, "are they twins?", fair enough, they're about the same size. What I don't get is the next question i'm occasionally asked, "are you sure?" Anyway, I was ready for the potential barrage of questions, and the girls looked so cute sitting together in the trolley.

Not for long...

Babybels were on special offer, so I grabbed 3 bags. The Littlest Uncle saw this and asked if he could eat one. Still haunted by the screaming episode, I said yes. I also handed one each to the girls for something to look at. This is great, I thought, whilst chatting away to the Littlest Uncle and actually enjoying shopping with 2 babies and a toddler.

Then, Elle starting gagging on wax covered cheese and it all went downhill from there. A small audience appeared, and everything I did from that moment until I got to the checkout, I did with a handful of regurgitated cheese. The gagging upset both girls, so I handed them various grocery items to cheer them up, all of which were either thrown straight on the floor, or used to hit the other one with, then thrown on the floor. The Littlest Uncle decided he could no longer walk, "carry me", he whined. I could sense this was going to get louder and louder, and there was no way I could pick him up while I had 'the cheese' so I distracted him by showing him a selection of cakes. This resulted in me buying 4 boxes of the blinking things.

I proceeded to the checkout, no idea whether or not I'd got what I went in for. I was 4th in the queue, Belle was not happy. A man behind me attempted to pull amusing faces, I think he was trying to make Belle laugh but he absolutely terrified her! Finally, everything was bagged up, I'd spent a fortune on cakes and various battered and bitten groceries, but I could see light at the end of the tunnel...

Until a little voice chirped up, "I need a poo"...